In a move that surprises absolutely no one, Elon Musk’s long-awaited $700 million superyacht has finally debuted, and its destination couldn’t be more fitting.
Enter Donald Trump, the man who truly believes in “owning the best,” even if it means redefining “the best” with all the gold.
Dubbed the “Starliner Supreme,” Musk’s yacht boasts futuristic design features that scream “tech billionaire,” with solar-powered champagne fridges, AI bartenders who make just martinis, and a landing pad for SpaceX transporters (because duh).
Critics call it “a floating sanctuary of excess,” the perfect place for someone like Trump, whose affinity for gilded interiors rivals that of King Midas himself.
Sources close to the deal say Trump did not hesitate to make an offer as soon as the yacht came on the market.
“It’s big, it’s beautiful, it’s the best yacht ever built. People say it’s the most fantastic yacht, believe me,” Trump told those close to him, before adding: “Nobody loves yachts more than me. Nobody.”
Musk, ever the showman, expressed his excitement about the transaction on X (formerly Twitter): “Finally, my yacht is going to someone who actually understands luxury and innovation… or at least pretends to. Godspeed, Donald. May it never sink.”
Features of the yacht include:
A casino floor filled with Trump-branded poker chips.
A sun deck with automatic spray tan dispensers.
A 24/7 room broadcasting Trump election highlights on a loop.
Environmentalists have raised concerns about the yacht’s carbon footprint, but Trump’s team dismissed these criticisms, saying: “It’s not pollution; it’s fumes of freedom.”
As the yacht sets sail, the world watches with bated breath, wondering whether this will mark the beginning of a new chapter in absurdly lavish spending, or whether it will be just another episode of “Rich People Doing Rich Things.”
One thing is certain: this yacht has found a captain who will undoubtedly take it into the uncharted waters of extravagance. Bravo, Mr. Musk and Mr. Trump, humanity pays homage to you (from our rowboats).
